I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
