I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
