how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
