I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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