i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
