so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
