remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
