Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
babies were throwing up all over the place
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize