I hate your face
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
