yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
