Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
