im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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