But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
