My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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