I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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