U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
