look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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