I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
