you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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