ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
