Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
