I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
