I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
