I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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