i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
