I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Life is so much better after having sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
