I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
