She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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