All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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