Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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