Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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