I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
