Whatcha textin bout Willis?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
