new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
