I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
