well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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