i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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