So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
