eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
