good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
