Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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