I'm really into asian looking animals
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
