she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
