it wasn't lemon gatorade
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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