I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
