Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
