our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
