I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
