CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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