do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
