I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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