i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
