the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
