How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
