as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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