Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize