Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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