The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
