Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
