My sheets look like a crime scene.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Found the puke drawer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
