im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
