Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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