we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
