8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
