so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
