he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
