Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Farmville is her only friend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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