I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize