after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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