That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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